About four years ago, when life wasn't so hard, when friends and good times were all that really mattered, a young girl about 14 years of age lived her carefree days. Her name was Leana. At the time, she was with someone totally different from her, a boy known to be a pure heart breaker and player. But hey, life was good, she was young, and that didn't really matter. All that mattered was that she knew what it was like to have feelings for a guy and live her life of endless happiness with family and friends.
One afternoon, she stood on a grassy hill near school, embracing her boyfriend Jerry. At the same time, about 10 feet away, at the flag pole, stood a boy about two years older than Leana by the name of James. He watched her gently hug her boyfriend and slowly walk away, until he could no longer see her image. He never knew what it was like to feel for anybody, but a strange feeling overtook him. It was a feeling he couldn’t explain and it confused him. He thought to himself, ‘I have to meet her someday.’
"Hey James!" a boy called out.
"You look all dazed, what are you thinking about?"
"Oh nothing Jay lets just go home now," James replied.
When James arrived at Jay's house, they sat down for some soda, and James had gotten his mind off of that strange feeling. "Damn, I forgot to go call my home girl man, can you hand me the phone James?" Jay asked as he took a sip of his soda. "Hello, may I please speak to Leana? This is Jay," he asked. Jay and Leana started chatting, until Jay remembered to do some chores so he handed the phone to James.
"Here man, can you go talk to her for awhile? I gotta do some stuff for my dad real quick."
"Alright, no problem," said James.
"Hi, this is James. Who's this?"
"Oh, this is Leana" she replied.
They chatted for about 10 minutes but James and Leana really clicked. After that one conversation, Leana and James began to keep in touch with phone calls everyday. They never met in person so neither person knew who the other was, or so they thought. James was totally unaware that the girl he watched from the flagpole the other day was the very girl he was laughing and talking with everyday. Weeks turned into months as Leana and James grew close, and told one another everything. And with this bond, they became the best of friends, although they still had never met. James decided to visit Jay again after school, which of course happened to be the same school that Leana attended. James knew for a fact that Leana went to that school, but still didn't know what she looked like.
As James walked onto the campus, he stood by the same flagpole, and waited for Jay. He watched the crowd of people, chatting about, doing their own thing, until he spotted that one girl he had seen that afternoon. He was so caught up by the way she carried herself, and how different she seemed from the other girls. She was shy, mature, quiet, and simple. None of that make up stuff all over her face. As he admired her, something immediately caught his attention.
"Hey Leana, what’s up?" a girl called out, walking towards the girl James was admiring.
"Oh, nothing much," she said with a sweet smile.
"Oh my god!" James said to himself.
"Could that be Leana? The girl I've been talking to on the phone with?" He was so surprised. He walked up from behind Leana, tapped her on her shoulder, and quickly turned around, pretending he didn’t do anything. Leana, a little annoyed, said "How rude!" and all James could do was laugh. He couldn't believe that that girl he was so eager to meet was Leana, the very girl he had been talking to for quite some time.He called her that day, and told her that he saw her. Leana was so surprised.
"Oh, that was you huh, that guy who tapped me on the shoulder?" she laughed. Inside, Leana and James felt something so weird, every time they talked and every time they were apart. They felt something inside when they thought of one another. But the feelings they felt, they let it pass, and denied it to themselves, as if it were simply nothing. They wondered about these feelings time to time, but never really tried to figure out what it meant. Leana and James told one another about their lives, their fears, problems, and little infatuations over people every now and then, but they always kept their feelings for each other hidden.
One rainy day, Leana called James, crying about losing Jerry. He comforted her so much, and she felt so much better when he did. James was always there for Leana, and he never once let her down. That's one thing she loved about him. Not to mention, they were so much like one another, always making other people laugh, and always making each other happy. Besides gender and names, it would be almost impossible to differentiate between the two.
Summer came and James and Leana spent more time talking with one another, and finally got to see each other in person. They met each other at Jays' house one day, and Leana's heart dropped when she saw James for the first time. She watched him play on the computer, just as he watched her that day after school. When it was time to go home, James gave Leana his school ID and she said her goodbye to James with a warm embrace. They both blushed, and that same unexplainable feeling took over the both of them. Leana knew then what that feeling was. She was ashamed of it when she was with Jerry but now she was no longer in denial. She liked James.
The first person she told was her best friend Lae, who also knew James. She was shocked! Days later, James was talking to Jay and told him, "Hey, I think I like Leana." "Really? Wow, that's cool." From that day on forward, five people knew, Jay, Lae, Leana, James, and god himself. And it was up to fate to lead the both of them to their destiny. It had been a whole year, and Leana and James were still afraid to admit their feelings to one another. They knew what was up, but never took the risk to admit it. It was not until Leana hinted at it did their relationship move forward. "I'm supposed to tell you everything right James?" she asked him.
"Duh! Why? You like someone?" he replied.
"Uh yeah, sort of," she said.
"Who," he asked, a little nervous.
"Well, he has the same background as you, about your height, your age, and you know him very well. You see him everyday." James knew then what that meant. He felt the same, but was so afraid to show it, because he was never in a real relationship before. He knew it was him, and Leana was happy to get the ball rolling. They started to flirt with each other more and admitted their feelings in ways only they could understand.
On October 11, 1996, James and Leana both officially started seeing each other. In Leana’s eyes, James was the perfect guy. He was tall, handsome, had a great sense of humor, caring, loving, just about everything Leana could want in a guy. And his eyes, his eyes were so warm, so sexy, so wow! And James felt exactly the same way about Leana. Everyone who met them said they were the perfect couple. James and Leana were both very happy with one another. No one could imagine them breaking up and even expected them to get married some day. Their forgiveness, love, passion, and care were endless for one another. These two were inseparable, and very much in love. James would always point out things he loved about her and end with a “I love you" and a passionate kiss. "I love you too, babe," she'd always reply.
Two years passed, James graduated, and things began to change. They got into many fights, and Leana began to feel the hurt, something she never felt before with James. James always let her know that even through rough times, he still loved her. He took her hand one day, as she cried cold painful tears, looked into her eyes, and said, "No matter what, through it all, this is it. There's no one else but you. I will always love you, and I will end up with you. I promise," as he wiped her tears away and kissed her gently on the forehead.
James began to change and hurt her emotionally everyday. Her sweet and perfect man was slowly disappearing into someone she never knew. He began to stop doing things for her, he stopped making her happy, and he stopped saying sweet things. He stopped visiting her, stopped calling, and always chose his friends over her.
When they argued, he'd yell at her, hang the phone up on her, and leave her with so much pain and nothing to do but cry. Half a year passed like this, and things got worse. When she tried telling him how she felt, he just let it pass. He started lying about things, and became very unfaithful to her. He began to drink, which he promised he wouldn't, and hung out with his friends all the time. He never had time for her anymore. James did things that his old sweet self would never do before. He left her many times at home just crying, and didn't even bother to see if she was okay.
Basically, Leana was in love with someone who seemed to not love her back anymore. They were together alright, but it didn't seem like that to Leana. It hurt too much inside, but because Leana loved him so much, she never let him go. She took the pain, cried endless tears, and still loved him through it all, while he was out breaking promises, and being someone he knew he never was before. There never passed a day when Leana didn't think about him, worry about the relationship, wonder why he became the way he was, or cry. The pain he caused her broke her heart more and more everyday. Her family was affected, her friends, and even school. Everybody was worried about her. No one ever saw her smile anymore, and if she did, it was only for a while. She hardly slept, and everything in her life slowly fell apart.
All because the one person in her life who she loved so much hurt her in ways that could never be fixed. James basically left her out of his time, out of his reach, out of his life. He acted as if she wasn't even his girlfriend. She did as much as she could for him, though he didn't see it, and sacrificed her whole life for him. She did everything to make things work, but he didn't do much at all. She tried so hard to figure out what the problem was, and why he hurt her so much.
"How can God give you the best gift of your life, and take it away as if it wasn't yours to keep?" she asked everyday. James became meaner, and it hurt her more and more. One day he picked her up from school, and his attitude was very different. She looked at him slowly. His build was bigger, his lips showed no smile, his voice was so monotone, and his eyes..
She looked at his eyes through the rear view mirror, and she began to cry. His eyes were so cold now, and that love, warmth, and sweetness she used to see no longer existed. James wasn't James anymore. They didn't speak a word the entire ride home, and all she could think was "Why? Why are things like this now?" She came home and cried her heart out. And all that played in her head were the days he dropped by just to see her, just to hold her. Now, he seemed as if he didn't even want to hold her anymore, touch her, or even look at her. She didn’t know why he was like this and blamed herself for it. She lay in bed that night reminiscing about the nights they laid together in bed and he held her close to his body. How she use to wake up summer mornings to be greeted by his warm smile.
Why was everything so hard now, and why did it hurt so much? She remembered the sweet sound of his voice constantly telling her he loved her, when they kissed, or when they just stared into each others eyes. She remembered the days when he'd stroke her hair, and laid light kisses on her lips. She remembered the days when he'd run all the way to her house just to hug her tight, and she remembered the days when everything between them was so perfect.
She cried helpless tears, and all hope was just gone. She knew she was still so young, but regardless of what age she was, it still hurt. She felt that endless pain that shuts your whole life down. The point was, she felt it, and she didn't know how to make it go away. There were times where she'd think about leaving him, but she imagined how much worse the pain would feel knowing she lived a life without him. As long as she knew she was his, and he was hers made that slightest bit of difference. Her tears fell harder, and her mind began to shut down on her. All she could think was "God I love you James, I miss your old self so much."
One afternoon, James picked her up from school again. They were both walking until Leana began to cry like usual.
"Why are you crying again, damn!" James yelled.
"Nothing," she struggled to say.
“What I hate about seeing you is that you always end up crying on me for no fucking reason! What the hell am I doing wrong now, shit!" he yelled again. She tried to hug him, but he resisted.
"I love you James, I'm sorry," she cried.
"Yeah whatever," he coldly replied. James was so frustrated. He didn't know what he was thinking and didn't know what he was doing. A confusion of being with her or leaving her rushed through his head, as they walked towards the car. Suddenly, in the midst of it all, a loud bang surprised them both. James didn't know what it was. He turned around to see if Leana heard it. "Hey did you.. NOOO!" he cried.
Leana had been shot on her right side and laid on the street, bleeding and gasping for breath. He ran over to her as everyone crowded around. "CALL 911!" he screamed, as tears began to roll down his face. "Babe, are you okay?" he asked, holding her in his arms. Leana slowly reached to touch his right cheek, as she looked him in his eyes, and smiled.
"Babe, I'm so sorry if I did anything wrong to make us the way we are now,” she struggled to say.
"Leana don't even say that, you're going to be okay. God, someone please help!" he cried.
"You hurt me a lot James, but I still love you so much. Because no matter what, through it all, this is it, there's no one else. No one else but you." She smiled, and coughed as she gasped for air. She began to cry, and still the pain she felt within her heart struck her like always.
Flashbacks of their times together rushed through her mind, and she could hardly keep her eyes open, as her helpless body lay there in James’ arms. James began crying and looked down into her eyes, hoping she wouldn't die.
"Babe, I'm so sorry for everything, God I love you! You can’t leave, we're suppose to get married remember? Remember babe, I promised, this is it, it's you that I'm suppose to end up with. Babe, remember?" he cried.
"I know, I know," she nodded her head, tears still streaming. James held her closer to his body. "God please no, don't take her away from me," he whispered. Leana's hand began to slowly drift away from his cheek, as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
"I love you so much and I wish I could've made everything better. But babe, everything I did, every tear I cried, I did it all for you.. everything.. I love you babe."
She said, "I don't wanna go, but I have to, and God knows I love you. We'll be together again babe. Remember, because you said, we will always be together.. we will."
One last tear rolled down her cheek, and dropped slowly on James hand. Her eyes closed, “I love you," she whispered, and Leana passed away. "NOOO!" James cried. "You can’t go.." he rocked her back and forth, and tried to wake her up. "Leana! Leana! Wake up.. c'mon please, Leana. Please, please wake up.. we can work things out I promise. C'mon babe, we're supposed to get married, please wake up. Leana, please.." he begged as tears streamed down his face. He closed his eyes and rested his head upon hers as endless tears continued to fall.
"God, I’m so sorry I didn't take care of you babe, I'm so sorry," he cried as he kissed her forehead. All James could do was cry, and hold her until the ambulance came. As they put her on a stretcher and placed a white blanket over her head, it began to rain. James fell on his knees, looked up into the sky, and cried his heart out.
"I love you Leana!" he screamed. "I love you.." he whispered one last time. From that day on, James knew he had nothing else. His life and his love were gone. And all he could think about was her smile, and how her life slipped away in his arms.
He would always remember her, and always love her. Because that was it, it was her that he chose to love for life. You see, life is never forever, and things come only once. You don't know how long you'll get to keep things, and you'll never how long you'll get to live. But as long as you know you've got something in your life you love, then cherish it, make the best of it. Because one day, when you least expect it, you could lose the most important thing in your life. Take care of the people you love. Because one day, it just might be too late to take care of anything, or even see them smile again.
Trust me I know.. some day we will be together.. because it was my promise.
